BVC-CHAT cycling social order
kbaker at mail.bio.tamu.edu
Fri Jan 23 11:39:38 CST 2004
>From the txbra forum:
Cycling has a social order as highly developed as any caste system on the planet. But it's a secret. Unfortunately, all was revealed on Rec.Sport.Triathlon some time ago, and I'm the only one courageous enough to make this highly classified information public. In response to occasional requests to repost this information, I'm placing it here. Now, you only need a web browser to know who to snub.
So, here it is, by popular demand, the Modified Cycling Food Chain. The first attempt left out mountain bikers, an unforgiveable sin. The comprehensive list is the response to a popular uprising from single-trackers.
Modified Cycling Food Chain
Yes, I was remiss in leaving mountain bikers off the list. A fatal mistake. But thinking about where they go unleashed a whole tidal wave of obvious flaws. So, after conducting detailed research, I have created the definitive list for all cycling snobs to provide much-need guidance on Who To Snub Without Remorse. I provide this service to all of you free of charge.
By the way, I don't care if mountain bikes are 60% of the market. If your knobbies have never been off the pavement, then you are The Rest of the World.
Here's the Modified Comprehensive Cycling Food Chain:
Trackies--All, but they must own their own track bike
Triathletes--Age Groupers wearing Speedos in a group ride (plus all of below)
Triathletes--Age Groupers with forward position, 650 wheels, aerobars and normal cycling clothing
Triathletes--Age Groupers on normal road bikes with aerobars
Tourists--Loaded, cross-country, self-guided tours
Tourists--Loaded, cross-country, guided tours
Tourists--Loaded, organized vacation group
Tourists--Non-loaded, organized vacation group in mountains (e.g. Pedal the Peaks)
Tourists--Non-loaded, organized vacation group in mere hills (e.g. Texas Hill Country Tour)
Tourists--Weekend century riders
Club riders with Fancy Road Bikes
Club riders with Normal Road Bikes
Club riders with Aerobars
Recreational MTBers (off-road only)
Commuters with fenders, panniers, and lights
Commuters with panniers and lights
Commuters on racing bikes
The Rest of the World
Messengers are orthogonal to this ranking.
If you are riding in a group, you gain Obnoxiousness Points for acting as if you are higher on the list, and Humility Points for acting as if you are lower on the list. Both points are Bonus Points, depending on who you are trying to impress.
Now, you must adjust your position based on the following Unspoken Rules (never read these aloud):
If your bike is Italian, you may move up one notch. If your bike is British, and you are a tourist, you may move up one notch; otherwise, you must move down two notches.
If your bike is aero, and you are a triathlete, you may move up one notch.
Move up a notch this year only if you have nine-speed. Move down a notch for each cog short of eight (nine starting next year). [Editor's note: It's next year, so subtract one point for each cog short of nine.]
Move down a notch if you have a triple up front, unless your are a tourist. If you are tourist and have only two chainrings, then move down to the Tourists--Weekend Century Rider rank even if you have panniers.
The Uniqueness Limit allows only two bikes of the same make and model in any one group. If the limit is exceeded, then all riders of the offending make and model must move down a notch for each excess bike.
If you have visible scars, you may move up two notches, unless you are a mountain biker. If you are a mountain biker and have no visible scars, you must move down one notch. If you have scars in an area that is not disp
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